Love in a time of patriarchy pt.2
none of this is how I really feel
how I feel goes I love you
I see you alive in your bullshit and I see you so hard so convinced so full so wrong so foolish all at the same time
I fall in love with bad men with the hope that they will change
change because they love me so much
they find the will to change
and when they don’t
when they don’t
when they don’t
I hate them
and none of this is how I really feel
how I feel goes I love you
can you forgive me and and and can we drink tea like we never did
can I forgive you and can you please hold hold hold me
and can we please please please talk poetry like we never did
and I will change because I will love you so much
I will find the will to change
and when you didn’t
when you didn’t
when you didn’t
before we got to know each other
before I decided to
so now I do
I see you moving in the world
and I think it good
I want it closer to me
I’ve never known how to be a good girl how to keep a man around
I hate doing it
none of this is how I really feel
how I feel goes I don’t know
how to be closer to you
I keep this space around myself to protect you from my feelings
we are dangerous and frightening
and now you’re scared of me
there’s no going back from that
I’ve never known how to be a good girl how to keep a man around
I hate doing it
it reminds me of my mother
please be different
please hold me
please stay close until all this rage is finished
please stay past genesis
please stand until I am healed
please do not be seated, not yet
we are mourning
I think you could be Jesus to my Magdalene
this time I will lead
while you are quietly and dutifully crucified for the sins of man
None of this is how I really feel
I am delirious with fever that will never be aired
you’ll never know this part of me
so you’ll never love it so
i’ll never know this part of you so
you’ll never know this part of me so
i’ll never know this part of you so
you’ll never know this part of me so
none of this is how I really feel
how I feel goes I love you
